I’d always known that at least on a relative scale, my family was doing all right. My parents came from different economic backgrounds—my mother was the only daughter of a wealthy small-town doctor while my dad was one of five kids in a working-class neighborhood—but both were college graduates who worked hard to create the suburban enclave where my brother and I grew up. Those varied backgrounds sometimes clashed when it came to relatively small matters like after-school jobs, but we were never overly indulged. In contrast to some of my peers, I got a hand-me-down minivan when I turned 16 instead of a souped-up sports car, and my parents only grudgingly allowed me my own phone in my teenage years while friends of mine had their own home entertainment centers.
We also lived in a school district where the tax base made sending us to public school an easy decision. But when it mattered, my parents anted up. I decided late in my high school career that 18 years in Californian suburbia was enough for me. So, I applied to out-of-state public schools, and even though we didn’t qualify for financial aid, my parents managed to pay for every cent of tuition, housing, books—you name it. Thus, my protective bubble followed me to college, where I had everything taken care of for me. If I was hungry, I just went to the dining hall and my student ID would grant me entrance to the buffet lines. Plane tickets would arrive in the mail just when I needed them. And when the foreign experience of East Coast weather threatened my campus with its hurricane watches and empty grocery stores, I just snuggled closer to the cinder blocks that comprised the 10 floors of my freshman dorm.
My California-flavored childhood meant the concept of snow and ice in everyday life was completely new for me. When classes were canceled for three days in the January of my freshman year, I frolicked in the powder like a 5-year-old. My friends took many pictures of me relishing my first experience as a snow angel, and we stole trays from the dining halls for sledding. We also worked as a unit to create a snow turtle—snowmen were apparently passé.
Fast-forward to four years later. As a hardened senior, I had parted ways with those friends and moved off-campus. It was the last full day of class in the fall semester, and as I stood waiting at the bus stop for my ride home, the frigid December sky began spitting down sleet. Forty-five minutes on a trudging bus replaced my normal swift commute, and I awoke at 5:30 the next morning to hear the tree branches outside my window cracking under the weight of the ice encasing them—and to see the time on my clock radio flicker out. The power was not restored for four days.
To say that my love affair with East Coast winters came to a sudden and bitter end is a bit of an understatement.
It wasn’t a question of boredom. Classes for the semester had already ended, so I just didn’t have the electronic procrastination tools I usually used to distract myself from studying. My roommate and I rediscovered the art of conversation and unearthed board games we hadn’t played since childhood. It was, however, a little difficult to manipulate dice with fingers wrapped in the fleece of our best mittens.
Those mittens were one of the only ways to deal with the greatest predicament of my young life. For the first day, enough heat was trapped in our second-floor flat to facilitate actual living, and there were enough perishables available to eat without needing to touch our dead refrigerator. But after that first night, when the temperatures dipped into the teens and the flannel surface of my pillowcase cooled mere seconds after I turned my head, the frigid air of the worst winter storm in North Carolina history began to creep through the windowpanes and under the doors, rendering my home practically inhabitable. The solution wasn’t as easy as hopping in a car and driving somewhere with heat and food—the entire state was in the exact same condition. Tree branches still littered the frosty roadways and blocked most escapes out of town, and Duke Power had millions of customers out of power across two states. We were just going to have to wait for our electrical benediction along with everyone else.
For the first time in my life, I didn’t know where I was going to sleep. The lack of heat made showering an icy proposition, and I couldn’t contact anyone—the blackout had disabled the local cell towers and we didn’t even have enough light to see the keypad on our landline phone. All thoughts of finals and Christmas presents and packing for my trip home flew out of my head in favor of how to layer multiple sweaters or use a lighter on candles without burning myself. I remember the joy when, a few days into the blackout, we found that our favorite pizza place had its power restored. We ordered a pie, went to pick it up and ate it in our dining room where the heat from the pizza created a steam lingering above the table that was the closest thing to warmth we’d felt in days. My mind was discombobulated—all I could think of was where I would find my next meal and where I could sleep that wouldn’t dangerously threaten my health.
Of course, I knew I could get out of the situation if it became absolutely necessary. I had a credit card and a car. I could have driven as long as was necessary to find a hotel with heat and room service, or gone to the airport and bought a plane ticket to the Caribbean. Luckily, that need disappeared relatively quickly. The first people to get their power back were my friends still living on campus. They took us in, providing floors and blankets for sleep and running water for warm showers. I don’t think I’ve ever taken a shower with such joy in my heart before.
Only after I got power back did I realize that I’d missed several review sessions for my upcoming finals. Thank goodness I was one of the fortunate—I’d heard some students living off-campus waited nearly two weeks for power and had to take their finals during that time. If my power hadn’t come back when it did, there’s no doubt in my mind that 16 weeks of lectures and note-taking and preparation couldn’t have done a thing to overcome my basic needs of food and shelter. This period was fleeting, but I’m still in awe at how naïve I was prior to seeing those little LED numbers flick off.
The situation reminded me of something my mother, a public schoolteacher, often talks about: Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, which categorizes how our brains operate. Physiological needs such as food and sleep are the keys, with safety concerns coming next. For most of us in the middle class (and the Western world), these aren’t things we need to worry about. Instead, we occupy our lives worrying about how the new freeway extension will complicate our daily commutes or remarking on how we can’t live without our TiVos. For me, my upbringing was never about not having what I needed, and only when my very survival was staring me in the face did I see how spoiled I was.
Even though our society is extremely affluent in comparison to the rest of the world, we still live amongst peers who struggle with these basic needs, yet we judge them by privileged standards. A young person living in the inner city isn’t likely to graduate from high school and launch into college or a career. Politicians and ed-op columnists say he just needs to put forth superhuman effort to achieve those aspects of the American Dream. But when a person’s first priorities are dodging bullets and finding safe housing, schooling is not high on the list.
I only wish I could go back and inform my coddled high school self of how lucky I was. I do remember a fleeting moment back then—I was doing dishes in the kitchen of my parents’ house and I looked out the window to the street, lit haphazardly by the setting sun peeking through the trees. Standing on the sidewalk were a man and his pregnant wife. They had their arms around each other, and they were crying as they took in the split-level house with four bedrooms and three baths. At that moment, I felt an inkling of what it must have been like for my parents as they struggled to make ends meet in anticipation for a family. But that was as deep as my consideration went as I dried off my hands and went off to work on my calculus homework. When we don’t have to worry about the basic needs of life, we don’t consider them.
But if my temporary inability to think beyond food and shelter is a way of life for some people, and our expectation is for them to brush it off to pursue success, I shudder to think of how deluded those expectations can be—and how easily they can change when we’re in that same situation.
***
Last night, I was contemplating what writing I should post this week…and then the power went out in my apartment. Of course, living in Los Angeles, it was nothing more than a rainstorm. But it reminded me of this piece, which I wrote fairly soon after graduating from college. Reading it now brings into perspective the various people and points-of-view I’ve encountered since then, but even so, I think it demonstrates that the situation was a decent learning experience.
