Yes, it’s been a long time, but it was for a good cause. And now that I have a new gig and a new routine, it’s about time I freshen this place up.

The perfect article for this is something I wrote nearly seven years ago and appeared, at that time, on the now-defunct site called MediasharX. (I also reviewed Gilmore Girls and The West Wing for MSX for a bit too.) Looking at it now, it almost seems like an historic document from another era. You see, back when I was a senior in college and beyond ready to graduate, I got a little hooked on discussing my favorite TV show online. In those days, we did that through message boards and a little thing called email. When I see what shows like Glee have going on today, with their Twitter and Facebook feeds, text updates and all the information you can imagine right at your fingertips, I can’t help but be a little jealous. In my day, we had to work for our fandom!

(And we weren’t exactly the most popular kids on the interwebs, either. You Bieber fans have no idea!)

So this is a recollection of constructing a fandom on the Internet and monetizing it—along with some media history and theory I learned in all of those comm classes. It was a lot of fun to write (and research), and it’s honestly one of the stories I’ve written that I like the most. Even if it’s outrageously dated by now.

***

If anything was learned from the Clay vs. Ruben controversy on American Idol, it’s this: Do not underestimate the power of the television fanatic. Bottles of Tabasco sauce flooded into WB network offices in 2000, courtesy of Roswell fans bent on saving their show from cancellation. One of the first organized fan campaigns fought to keep the original Star Trek on the air—and morphed into the legendary fandom that exists today.

The advent of the Internet has broadened the experience of being a fan. In the past, only the most obsessed fans gathered together at conferences or published ‘zines on their fandoms, lapping up details on the next film or comic book and revering the creators as demigods. Instead of that pathetic and bespectacled image, fans now brought together by the Internet are banding together and turning proactive to take control of their programs. They’re acting as network executives and paying for the privilege.

I’m one of them. And I only wear glasses for driving. Honest.

After going through Friends and ER, my current favorite is the ABC spy drama Alias. In many ways, I’m typical of the Internet fan. I spend much of my free time at the Web site TelevisionWithoutPity.com, nitpicking episodes and searching out spoilers with those similarly obsessed. And like many of this new breed of fan, I’m willing to put my money where my mouse is.

Aaron Nadler, a college student from Harrisburg, Penn., is a poster in the Alias forums at TWoP who assisted on a banner ad campaign hosted by fellow fans. When asked why he visits TWoP, he incredulously responds, “Why not?”

Fans all across cyberspace were thrilled to hear on Aug. 1, 2003, that the trendy Web site had resolved its ongoing financial troubles to continue its unique approach to fandom another year. The site’s forums give diehard television watchers an arena where such devotion is commonplace, but with the caveat that fandom does not automatically mean mindless adulation. When judging shows on TWoP, impartiality is discouraged. Once known as Mighty Big TV, TWoP was the place where The West Wing creator Aaron Sorkin famously tussled with online fans as Benjamin, his nom de keyboard. He later dedicated a subplot on his show to illustrating his less-than-flattering impressions of TWoP users.

The site is well known across the Internet for its combination of cynicism and humor—more popularly known as “snark.” In one post, a typical TWoPer can go from proclaiming undying love for their show to ridiculing the main character’s speech pattern, makeup or very reason for existence. Mention the Pixel Challenge competition (a contest for the most creative use of Photoshop) and the words “Jennifer Garner Celebrity Hot Tub Party,” and you’ve got TWoPers across the world spitting diet soda on their keyboards. Another example of the site’s irreverent nature is the term “HoYay.” Short for “Homoeroticism, Yay!” it was jokingly invented by TWoP users to laud subtext of that very sort.

This mockery reflects the rough environment of the site. Instead of the typical juvenile gushing and flame-wars of most Internet message boards, respect is instituted in a trickle-down fashion. Moderators rule with iron fists, editing posts for failing to pass grammatical snuff and booting users who display embryonic signs of “trolling.” In turn, users are wound so tight with the thought of offending a moderator that they patrol fellow posters. Membership in the TWoP forums is a privilege for which one is not entitled by simple registration.

The restrictions only allow the most respectful cynics to post, thinning the pool to the most motivated—and articulate. “When I finally signed up, I found myself hanging about in a few of the forums—Buffy, 24, Angel, Alias—and I found an amazing group of insightful, polite and content-rich postings relating to those shows,” Nadler said. The intelligence and thoughtfulness on the site has lured many an executive producer to the thorny pages of posts, some of which certainly call for their heads. Sorkin is just one such muckety-muck. In an October 2002 article in The New York Times, Alias creator J.J. Abrams said, “I’ll accept a smart critique from anywhere, whether it’s from a 50-year-old studio executive or a 12-year-old kid in a rural town…They’re doing what I’d be doing if I weren’t working in TV.”

Alias premiered in the fall of 2001, and ever since, has become a program even fans find difficult to describe. The latter half of its most recent season had former double agent Sydney Bristow working with her father to bring down her nemesis, who had teamed with her treacherous, former KGB agent mother to locate the artifacts of a 15^th-century prophet.  She had also begun a romance with her CIA handler while her roommate was murdered and replaced by a genetically engineered double. And one throwaway scene this season confirmed that even jet-setting spies can receive their doctorates in literature. But if you want to know what happened in the one and a half seasons leading up to this, you’ll quickly learn that Abrams likes revamping his show’s premise.

With all the marketing challenges of such a Byzantine layout—It’s spiked with spy action! It’s a heartfelt family drama! It’s a rule-bending sci-fi!—ratings for Alias are tepid at best. The Nielsen ratings placed it around the 60th most popular show after its first season in the Sunday 9 p.m. timeslot, but scheduled against The Sopranos and an incarnation of the popular Law & Order franchise in its second, the ratings declined and placed it 72nd. Despite the lackluster showing, Alias has the buzz of a show exponentially more popular and a cult fanbase similar to those that sustained shows like The X-Files for years. For instance, the Alias forum is always buzzing and typifies all that is TWoP. The “Dear J.J.” topic opens a direct line from fans to creator. Humorous nicknames stemming from the popular recaps and from users themselves abound in casual conversation, such as the ever-popular “SpyDaddy.” But the rest of the forum isn’t always so complimentary.

The clichéd longing looks once exchanged between Sydney and handler Vaughn prompted one exasperated fan to plead for the other characters to play matchmaker by lining the hallways of the CIA and singing “Kiss the Girl” from The Little Mermaid. A beard and turban disguise worn by star Victor Garber in an episode last December elicited derisive snorts even from diehard fans of the actor. And many users grumbled about the blatant pandering the show made to the football audience by showcasing star Jennifer Garner’s lingerie-clad assets in the opening moments of the episode that aired after Super Bowl XXXVII in January.

The users at TWoP are media-savvy enough to understand how such a display figures into the economics of a television show—the Super Bowl gives a struggling show the lead-in of a lifetime, and by advertising a sequence straight out of Maxim, the network is just capitalizing on the demographics of a football game. Making sure Alias stays on the air is a prime concern of its fans as well, but they don’t like the effort muddying the integrity of the narrative. Sydney had never been a modest character, especially with her various disguises employing skin-tight rubber, but she is also an assertive, modern female. This was the first occasion where the objectification of her body for ratings purposes was blatantly obvious.

But instead of simply accepting commercially dictated changes like this as something they couldn’t control, the fans took matters into their own hands. In addition to making their feelings on the subject well-known in the “Dear J.J.” thread, fans turned to another method: advertising. And TWoP gave users the opportunity to spend their own money promoting their favorite show by handing over control of the forum banner ads—creating an odd, never-before-seen confluence of Internet and television advertising.

Internet users are very familiar with those pesky ads that ask you to pick a favorite color, or hit the bouncing ball, or tell you that you’re the site’s one-millionth visitor, all to get you to click. Visitors to the TWoP forums didn’t encounter any ads like this, instead seeing homemade banners crafted by amateur graphic artists. These banners advertised select shows, ones often not seen in the upper echelons of the Nielsen ratings, but worshipped by TWoP users nonetheless.

Glark, the online handle of David T. Cole, one of the three TWoP “elders,” said the decision to switch from corporate ads to those funded by users came early this year, mostly due to circumstances outside their control. “Ad brokers rarely want to place ads on pages with user-generated content due to its unpredictability,” he said. Because of this, few advertisers were buying ad space on the forums even though several hundred thousand users were taxing the limits of the servers (and the elders’ pockets) each day. The elders needed a way to generate cash to keep the popular site running in the short-term while investigating more permanent financial options. TWoP users knew that a decision on the site’s fate was coming after the end of the 2002-03 television season, and they were desperate to do something to show their support. Those two concerns met head-on in the forums’ ad space.

The setup allowed users to fire up Adobe Photoshop or other comparable graphics programs to create their own ads, or submit copy to Glark for design, which was included in the cost. Layering was also an option, which allowed any ad buyer to submit four separate ads. One ad would appear on each level of the TWoP forums, giving buyers more bang for their advertising buck. Ad creators could also designate text to appear in the banner’s alt tags. Ads initially cost $100 for 24 hours in the forums, and $50 for each consecutive day after that. These banner ads were for TWoP users alone—there was no tracking information provided for ad clients nor any of the bells and whistles associated with Internet advertising. “It was all grassroots stuff,” Glark said.

The opportunity for users to create their own ads caught on right away, and became one of the hallmarks of a site already famous for irreverent reverence. Creative promotion of individual shows began fast and furious—characters, popular couples, even wardrobe choices became fodder for banner ads. A whole thread devoted to banner ad praise—prime real estate on a Web site already strapped for bandwidth—allowed creators to interact with their instantaneous groupies. New ads would send observers scurrying to examine all the jokes in intimate detail, and an informal camaraderie blossomed amongst ad creators as they shared the warm, fuzzy feeling of supporting their favorite Web site.

But this didn’t mean there was no competition. The originality and sheer number of ads created by those known as TARflies (fans of The Amazing Race) and Wingnuts (The West Wing) upped the ante for all banner makers. Within weeks, all banner ad campaigns had to incorporate layers and snarky alt tags or face ridicule. There was even competition within the same fandom. Fans of the Tara/Willow lesbian relationship on Buffy the Vampire Slayer created ads condemning Tara’s death, using rainbow motifs and declaring, “They are the magic.” A group of opposing fans bluntly bit back by advertising that Tara was dead, signing the banner with “Fans of moving the hell on” and setting off a blistering flame war that likely ate more bandwidth than the ads covered. The monkey employed by the opposing users in their ad has since become the icon of the TWoP “Banner Ad Wars,” and is available on t-shirts and mugs for those who wish to preserve the memory.

For Alias, the gauntlet was thrown one afternoon last spring, when one poster spotted an amusing banner ad for the HBO prison drama Oz, which said, “Our HoYay can totally shank your HoYay.” Following a casual statement about the possibility of a banner ad campaign in the “Alias in the Media” thread, the next week passed with almost a thousand dollars raised from dozens of distinct users and more than 100 separate suggestions for ad copy.

Somehow, an impromptu organization took hold. Five different sets of ads were planned, and the copy concepts were divided accordingly: general ads about the show as a whole, then ads dedicated to the family of spies, the romance, and sidekicks/enemies as well as a thank you to the show’s creators. A group of four users amicably split the stresses of collecting votes for ad copy and publishing a Web site for Alias newbies intrigued by the ads. They tweaked copy and workshopped the graphics with two amateur designers who volunteered to create the ads based on the chosen favorites.

Nadler was one of the designers and used the opportunity to hone his burgeoning commercial design skills as well as augment his passion for the show. “A picture is worth a thousand words, and a funny banner is worth a thousand misleading commercials,” he said. “I think that promos for television shows should be catchy, memorable, and (have) a positive message about the show—without giving away the ending a week early.” The fan-voted spots favored more obscure characters and plotlines rarely referenced in network advertising, and definitely treated them with the TWoP flavor of snark.

On fan-favorite Mr. Sark: “Evil has never been so sexy.” On the broken relationship between Sydney’s parents: “Love means never having to say, ‘Why did you shoot me?’” On Sydney and Vaughn: “Screwing protocol. And each other. Keep your HoYay. We’ve got SpySex.”

Even though the show can be confusing to even the most dedicated viewer, these ads filled a void that Alias fans everywhere agreed that network advertising was not addressing. ABC is widely loathed for canceling low-rated fan favorites, including Sports Night, Once and Again and Cupid. The overwhelming belief in the forum is that the network cancels complex, intelligent programs it finds too difficult to promote, earning the nickname of “ABCimians” or, more simply, “monkeys.” Nadler points to one tagline as the epitome of the network’s lack of imagination in promoting such an intricate show.

“Also, ‘Double Oh-Yeah… with a kick!’—I mean, seriously,” he said. “That had absolutely nothing to do with the show, and plenty to do with making the show look stupid.” That’s only one of many fouls fans say the network has committed, including running a repeat on the weekend that the opening of Garner’s blockbuster movie Daredevil coincided with her appearance on Saturday Night Live, and a 40-minute post-Super Bowl show earlier this year that pushed Alias out of prime time on the East Coast.

To Sabrina Pavolini of Austin, Tex., the other graphic designer, this was ABC’s worst fumble. She said that as a subsidiary of Disney, ABC is failing to capitalize on numerous cross-promotional opportunities. But she also recognizes that fans may have more enthusiasm for the process. “Your average ad person is there to do a job. There’s a very good chance that they don’t have that ‘connection’ or special feeling for the show they’re working on,” she said. “To them, it’s just another day at the office. For people who love the show, I think it becomes more than that.”

Media scholar Henry Jenkins labeled this phenomenon as “textual poaching” more than 15 years ago, referring to fan activities such as fan fiction that have since proliferated on the Internet. Fans believe they have purer views of their favorite characters and plotlines than their creators do, so they wrestle control away. Fan fiction allows fans to rewrite narratives and plotlines in their own individual ways, but the banner ad campaign gave Alias fans the opportunity to take commercial control away from ABC under the belief that they could do better. “I want (the ads) to be something people notice—something to make them think ‘Wow, those Alias fans are amazing!’” Pavolini said. “In an ideal world, the banner ads would make everyone watch Alias.”

This enthusiasm resulted in 20 separate ads completely generated by fans, in content, design and funding. The campaign debuted to great praise from both Alias fans and TWoP users, and much to the delight of the hardworking fans, the incessant ads produced numerous converts. “Quick question—when is the season premiere of Alias? Because sadly enough…it was your brilliant banner ads that have sucked me into Alias,” said one user. “Go creative minds. Banner ads: they’re like heroin.”

After that initial ad campaign, the TWoP format changed slightly. Fifty dollars gave any submitted ad a week in the banner ad pool. Each click in the forums brought up a randomly selected ad out of the dozens in the pool at any given time. The topics broadened to praising the site’s recappers to conveying birthday wishes and campaigning for presidential hopeful Howard Dean—individual messages that up to 300,000 users see every day. Alias fans have continued to donate money to TWoP via banner ads in response to the show’s season finale, which was—at the very least—controversial. Sydney and Vaughn fans were upset that he was wearing a wedding ring in the last moments of the episode; Sark fans wondered what would come of the sexy assassin now that he was in CIA custody; and the show’s inexplicable jump two years ahead in time jarred everyone. The desire to express those opinions in pixelated form kept TWoP’s coffers overflowing this summer.

Even though fans were paying much less than corporate ad brokers, the temporary funding provided by the fan-sponsored ads allowed TWoP the freedom to negotiate new contracts. This led to the joyous announcement in August that the site would remain open for at least another year. Unfortunately, these contracts include forum ads, so those created by users will soon phase out. But the ads have become so popular that Glark has pledged they will live on elsewhere on the site, perhaps as part of the Pixel Challenge. “The response was great and certainly exceeded our expectations,” he said. “Our users are a great bunch.”

Thankfully, Alias fans received relief midway through the banner ad campaign with the news that ABC had decided to renew the show for a third season. The season premiere on Sept. 28 will provide the first clue as to whether the ads created by fans will actually boost ratings. With the possibility of a fourth season hanging on improved popularity, the producers may need all the help they can get.

The TWoP banner ads have proven that dedicated, intelligent fans are willing to work to save their favorite Web sites and television programs. Pay attention, J.J. Abrams: Even a simple, snarky campaign staged by the nerds and geeks of the world can’t hurt. They have the power. Just ask Clay Aiken.

Those who know me well also know that my mother is a California public school teacher. Starting from a fairly young age, I (along with my brother) was pressed into service to help with various tasks—shutting down her room for the summer, hanging up bulletin boards, setting up computers, etc. After I graduated from college, moved back to my hometown and started a full-time job, I wasn’t really around during the day when she might have needed me. But then, my mother decided that she wanted me—with all of the infinite wisdom that comes with being a reporter—to talk to kids about how difficult it is to write, even for those of us who are paid to do it. A lot of her students get discouraged that they don’t write perfectly on the first attempt, and she really wanted me to drive home the point that we all screw it up at some point.

So if you don’t mind, I’d like to share a bit of the speech I prepared for the occasion—given that I think most of the people who might be reading this are writers themselves. As far as I recall, I didn’t stray too much from these prepared remarks (which also included props and a transparency!)…and the kids were actually into it. They asked questions and everything. Given that I couldn’t ever imagine following my mother into teaching, that was kind of a big moment.

***

Even for those of us who are paid to be good writers and editors can’t get everything right on the first try. It’s just not possible. Writing is too hard to make it come out perfectly. Even what I’m saying right now didn’t come out the way I wanted it to the first time I wrote it. When you’re writing, you’re taking a ton of information and turning it around and trying to present it in a way that’s interesting and communicates what you want to say. It’s something that’ll get easier the more you do it, so if you guys only hear one thing I say today, this is it: KEEP WRITING. It doesn’t matter what about. If you want to write something about your dog, or your favorite basketball team, or the characters from your favorite comic book or cartoon, do it. If it interests you and you have something to say, write it down. It doesn’t matter if you think it won’t be good enough. I do that all the time when I’m writing, and the worst thing you can do is let that fear scare you.

At my job, we have story meetings every Friday morning. That afternoon, we’re supposed to start making phone calls and interviewing people for our stories, and generally, we write four or five of them for each week’s paper. We get Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday to do all of our research and talk to everyone we need to, and our deadline is on Thursday mornings. You’d think it would be easy to get four or five stories written with that much time, but trust me, it’s not.

Every week, it’s inevitable that there’ll be a story I have to write that I’m not that excited about—this week, I had to write a story about a break-in at a little league snack shack—and if I start staring at that blank page on my computer screen, I’ll never get it done. I can always find an excuse to go play on the Internet or check my email or something else, but the truth is, I’m always having to fight through all those voices in my brain saying, “I don’t wanna do this.” Or, on the flip side, I could be writing about something or someone who’s really cool, and I’m scared that what I’ll write will never be as cool as the subject. But that kind of thinking just shuts you down and paralyzes you.

So, for me, the process starts with giving a pep talk to myself, or sometimes, even yelling at myself to just stop wasting time and do my job. I usually put on headphones and listen to music to tune out the people who I work with—when they’re working, they’re on the phone and yelling across the newsroom at each other, and it’s really distracting. Occasionally I have to take my laptop and just leave, and work instead at a coffee shop or some place where I can concentrate.

Sometimes, I think of things I want to say a couple of paragraphs down the road, so I’ll jot it down on a piece of paper so I can remember. Because, honestly? I can’t remember anything.

Most of the time, I have to set time limits for myself. If I start writing at 3 o’clock, I’ll make myself write 20 inches of text before 4 o’clock. (In newspapers, inches are the amount of space a story takes up.) Sometimes, I do get writer’s block, so I give myself a few minutes to go downstairs and get a glass of water, or to check my favorite Web site, or go sit in my editor’s office. But if I go beyond a certain time limit, I’ll lose my train of thought. And then, generally, after a while, I find my writing groove and I’m able to get out what I need to get out. But I’m not done even if I think I am.

The most important part is going back over your work when you’re done and checking it for all sorts of stuff: Things that aren’t spelled right, commas that aren’t in the right place. Writing of mine has been published for almost five years now, and there are still times I’ll write a sentence that makes absolutely no sense or use the wrong kind of verb. I find all kinds of errors like that because when I’m writing, I get caught up in the moment and don’t go back to check what I’ve done. Sometimes, I have to read what I’ve written aloud, or at least whisper it to myself. I’ve come across way too many run-on sentences and awkward phrases while doing that, because hearing it is so much different than just reading it on paper.

There are a lot of other things I check too, but before I can look at them with a clear head, I have to stand up and stretch or do something for at least 10 minutes or so, just so I can clear out my brain and go back with fresh eyes. I check to make sure that I have a really interesting topic sentence, because you want someone who’s reading a newspaper to want to read your story.

I also make sure that I have a kind of “thesis” sentence, where I quickly sum up what I’m going to say in the story. We call that a nut graf, because we’re taking everything the story’s about and pressing it down into a tiny little space, like a nut.

I make sure that not every sentence starts with the same word or phrase, like “he” or “then” or “I” or something like that. It’s also really easy to use the same word twice in a really small space when you’re describing something. There are a lot of times I have to pull out a thesaurus to help me find something different.

I check to make sure that each sentence and each paragraph flows to the next, because you want to take your reader on a trip with you through your story, and you don’t want them to get confused if you jump around from subject to subject. Sometimes, I have to move paragraphs or sentences around if it makes more sense for them to be in a different order. That can be a really painful thing to do, but it’s necessary.

I check to make sure I’m not saying something in 10 words that I could say in two—writing too much has always been a problem for me—and I think a lot of editors and teachers appreciate it when you’re clear and you get to the point.

One of the most important things I have to do is read my story while pretending to be someone else. Of course the story will make sense to me: I’m the one who wrote it, and I know all the information that went into it, and which information that I thought wasn’t important enough. It’s a difficult thing to do, but I have to not be me for a short time. I pretend to be my mom or my editor—someone who has absolutely no idea what I’m talking about before they read my story and see if they would understand what I’m talking about, or if there’s information that needs to go there to help them along. There are a lot of times when I have to go back and add in another fact that I forgot.

For you guys, I know it’s probably hard to try to do a lot of these things. When you’re writing in class, you’re writing on paper, and it’s a lot harder to go back and erase what you’ve written and start over. You also can’t listen to music or go walk around on campus if you want to. So, here are some ideas to help you guys out:

First of all, I would keep a notepad or a piece of paper nearby when you’re writing so you can try out sentences or words that you’re not sure about without messing up. Of course, if you’re writing a sloppy copy, you may not need to worry about that so much, but it’s still a big help.

I also know that getting started can be a big problem when you’re staring at that blank sheet of paper. But you have to push through it when you’re scared like that, or else nothing’s going to happen. That may be the hardest part about writing, period. You’re sitting there, and your whole body is screaming at you to run away and go home. I know that happens because it happens to me ALL THE TIME, and I’m supposedly a professional! But once you start writing, something happens, and the flow just comes.

One thing you guys can do is give yourself a time-out if you can’t think of something to write. Look at the clock on the wall and give yourself a full minute to let your brain play and think about whatever you want. You’re just thinking, you’re not playing with your pencil or talking to your neighbor. And pick something you really like—your favorite sports team or musical group—and think about them for a full minute. Don’t go, “Ack, I only have 30 seconds left!” Just let your brain go, and at the end of that minute, you start writing. No exceptions. Thinking about something you like should get your creative juices flowing.

Most of the time, I’m writing stories about actual people and places, but I know a lot of what you guys are doing is making up your own stories, and that’s really cool. I haven’t done too much writing like that, but when I have, I almost never start at the beginning. You’re always going to have more than one draft of a story and plenty of time to go back and fix it. Let your creativity take you wherever it wants you to go.

And one thing that I think is really important when you’re writing is to enjoy yourself. It can be so much fun if you stop worrying about it and just do it, and one way to enjoy it is to make it unique like you. Write about things you like, or put personal touches into your writing. Mrs. Rost [Ed. note: Ha, that's my mother!] and I were talking just last night about writing about your favorite restaurant. You guys have gotten assignments like that, right? And of course, the first thing everyone writes is: “My favorite restaurant is…” But isn’t that boring? What if you said something like, “I remember going to McDonald’s for the first time when I was 5,” or, “I dream about Big Macs.” That’s fun to write, and interesting to read, and it gives you a good jumping-off point for the rest of your writing.

And, of course, don’t feel like you have to write perfectly on the first try. There’s no writer in the world who can do it. Maybe once, but not over and over again. Take your time, go back and reread what you’ve done, and don’t get scared. There are tons of writers out there who are way better than I am, and sometimes when I read their stuff, I start thinking that I’m really bad at what I do and I should quit. But then I go back and reread things I’ve written. Of course, there are always tiny things I wish I could go back and change, but overall, I’m pretty happy with what I’ve done. Every writer has a different style, and once you find yours, it’s so totally worth all the worry and the fear.

The reason why is that they’re both columns I wrote as audition pieces for the editorial page of the DTH. Every semester, there would be writers, typically from the general student population and not from the DTH staff, who helmed a column one day each week. Most of them were your typical college writers, trying to push boundaries with lots of talk about sex and such. And at points, I thought about giving it a shot myself, just because. As a Californian going to school in North Carolina, I was a bit of an oddity there…or so my friends made it seem. So I thought I might have some interesting thoughts to share.

And here’s where I started.

***

Before I begin, there’s something I must let you all know.

I am in love with the pets.com sock puppet.

I don’t know exactly when this love affair began. I remember seeing the commercials featuring the precocious puppet during the fall of my freshman year, and soon thereafter, I was imitating the famous “Three dollars!” love with my bare hand, and later on, with a sock, much to the delight of my friends and suitemates.

I also fail to pinpoint exactly why this fabric-and-button creation delights me so much.

Perhaps it’s because I’m from the Silicon Valley area of California, and the pets.com sock puppet lends some much-needed levity to the fast-paced world of IPOs and dot-coms. Maybe it’s the human wristwatch substituting for a collar, or the pets.com microphone attached to his argyle hand with green electrical tape.

I also enjoy the insult comic dog stylings of Triumph, of Conan O’Brien fame, but there’s just something about a sock puppet imitating the singing group Chicago that tickles my fancy.

Pretty soon, I had found a picture of the puppet online and set it as the desktop on my computer.

People started emailing my media files of the commercials, and finally, last summer, I plunked down 20 bucks to buy my own from the website. In reality, pets.com, like many online retail stores, hasn’t broken even at all, and is hoping these puppets will turn them around.

Why am I telling you this potentially embarrassing story about myself at the beginning of months of what promises to be wry and witty commentary? To give a “this-can-happen-to-you” type portrait of what results from watching too much TV? Believe me, I know I watch too much, and my mother reminds me of that fact on a regular basis.

I figured that before I revealed anything about myself, I should clue you in on one vital fact about Allison Catherine Rost: I am goofy as hell.

The pets.com sock puppet is just the tip of the iceberg. I trip over my feet on a regular basis. I have nearly every episode of ER on videotape. I know how to tap dance and network computers. I can’t properly make a bed to save my life.

I’m sure some of you are wondering what kind of moron I might be, but in reality, I think I’m as normal as I can be.

I never would have admitted to things like this several years ago. I guess one of the big things that has happened to my since I came to college is that I’ve grown more comfortable in my own skin.

In high school, I was completely self-conscious. I rarely told anyone secrets and I felt like people would laugh at me if I revealed any personal facet of myself because I was just that strange.

And while people may be laughing at me now for that same strangeness, I’ve come to realize the goofiness is an innate part of me.

A good friend recently told me, “Who cares what other people think? Life is too short to shape your behavior on someone else’s standards.”

So I may be awed by snow like a four-year-old or walk into walls in my dreams or amuse myself with a sock puppet. So what? I’ve embraced my idiosyncrasies, and so should you.

And let that set the tone for this column.

***

Although I have come to love Chapel Hill and North Carolina like a native, I still sometimes feel like an outsider.

When I first got here, the question on many people’s minds was why in the world would a Californian like myself choose to go all the way across the country to go to college.

I’ve answered the question so many times that the response is automatic: my mother grew up near Charlotte, I’m a third generation Tar Heel, I have relatives in North Carolina and scattered throughout the East Coast, and it’s a great school.

But the biggest reason in my mind is one that is difficult to articulate: I needed a change. I was born and raised in California, and while I do like it there, I needed to get the hell out.

It’s hard to explain because many people I know think California is the Promised Land where everyone walks around carrying surfboards, the roads are paved in gold, and unicorns are the primary mode of transportation.

My choice of university was also difficult to explain to people back home. One classmate expressed concern at my going to school in the middle of a hayfield, and another asked, “How can you go to North Carolina with all of that racism back there?”

Ahhh, the perpetuation of stereotypes.

There are most definitely big differences between the two locales. In California, the freeways are wider and the drivers are crazier. At least in NorCal, where I’m from, the climate varies little from season to season, and the summers are so cool that Mark Twain once commented that the coldest winter he ever experienced was a summer in San Francisco.

We get earthquakes as opposed to hurricanes, and the cuisine and the lingo differ a bit.

But when I’ve had to explain the differences to California people, it’s been hard. I usually come up with something stupid like the vegetation and the weather is different. How can I condense all I have learned about North Carolina into generalizations that (mostly) ignorant Californians can understand?

I’ve chosen my words carefully, and while I admit there are hicks here (as there are everywhere), they are mostly hidden away in the rural areas, and I can say this because before Carolina, my previous exposure to North Carolina was limited to a small mill town.

Other than that, people are people. Most North Carolinians I’ve met aren’t far off from the people I knew in high school.

It’s been fun to burst people’s bubbles on some misconceptions. For instance, I don’t see movie stars all over the place.

But while I’m bursting bubbles, it’s fair to give Carolina a turn. While I’m sure UNC is diverse compared to the rest of North Carolina, I’d like to take whoever writes the prospective student brochures to UC Berkeley, the college many of my high school compatriots attend, where the Asian student population outnumbers all others. And to those students who think Chapel Hill is liberal, I’ll just say that a popular name for that flagship University of California campus is the People’s Republic of Berkeley.

However, my favorite bubble-bursting activity involves those skeptical Californians who thought I’d come home scared of all those redneck Ku Klux Klan members. They’d get a concerned look on their face and ask, “How was North Carolina?” I surprised them all when I said, “I loved it. And I’m going back.”

It was difficult to come here in the beginning when I knew absolutely no one. I bawled like a baby the first day of C-TOPS. But I knew college was a prime opportunity to sample life on the other coast. For those of you who haven’t been west of the Mississippi (and I know there are many of you) use this time to explore foreign areas of the country, or even the world, before jobs, marriage, and kids tie you down. You could even intern in San Francisco like I did last summer. Just remember to bring your sweater.

While I may or may not move back to the Golden State after graduation, at least I have had this time here. Through years of spending summers here with my grandparents, I always felt more at home, even with the heat and humidity.

And while California may have a certain caché to it, I’ll take my sweet tea and Moon Pie over bottled water and baby spinach any day.

***

And just because every DTH column on the editorial page ended this way (correct as of the time these were written):

Allison Rost is a sophomore communications and sociology double major from Fremont, Calif. You can reach her at alikona@email.unc.edu.

Or, at least, I hope it’s obvious.

All I’ve changed since the file was last saved on August 26, 1999, are some basic copyediting things. And of course, the quotes and the incident itself are all made up. But the name of the dorm, the student body president, the general sentiment — all accurate.

Maybe this explains why I ended up on the arts and entertainment desk for four years.

A weekend melee at Hinton James Residence Hall has left many South Campus residents disheartened while the cleanup efforts continue.

The incident began early Friday afternoon when an unidentified male student allegedly attacked a second floor resident who boarded the elevator on which he was riding. Reports indicate the attacker was a 10th floor resident on his way to a class and appeared aggravated when the elevator stopped on every floor on its way to the lobby. Eyewitnesses said that the sophomore yelled, “Why couldn’t you take the (expletive) stairs?” just prior to his attack. The fight escalated when the elevator doors opened in the lobby, and a group of students waiting there was upset that the brawl was blocking their way. They picked up the sofas in the first floor lounge and threw the furniture at the offending students. Despite the efforts of the area office and the first floor R.A.s, the fighting turned to looting and lasted well into the night.

As night turned into early morning, the Chapel Hill Police Department was confident that it had contained the looting on the first floor, which resulted in the destruction of several thousand dollars worth of lounge furniture and vending machines. However, they did not anticipate the actions of residents on other floors. At about 1 a.m., a group of male freshmen on the seventh floor stormed their R.A.’s dorm room, screaming, “Give us the air conditioning!” This sparked off a new set of violence on all floors of the hall. By sunrise, the air conditioners in 78 rooms had been forcibly removed and tossed over the balconies. Several cars in the parking lot were damaged. At press time, the damage was estimated at $2 million. The perpetrator of the elevator incident has been booked into Orange County Jail on charges of aggravated assault and disturbing the peace.

Twenty-six students have been seen at UNC Hospitals with varying degrees of injury, ranging from cuts and scrapes to a concussion. All students have been treated and released. Chapel Hill and University police are working each floor of Hinton James, trying to find additional rioters.

When conditions finally calmed down at Hinton James early Saturday morning, residents emerged from their rooms to inspect the damage. Broken glass and ceiling tiles lined the hallways. Some students expressed concern at the possibility of asbestos leaking from the ceiling. But despite seeing their residence hall in ruins, many students were optimistic about the future of Hinton James.

“I can’t believe anyone would do something like this,” said one fifth floor sophomore who asked not to be identified. “We may have to deal with no air conditioning and the elevators on a daily basis, but this is still home. People should still show respect.” She was one of a group of over 100 James residents that gave up their Saturday to clean up debris.

Another resident told of her fear during the riots. “My roommate and I, we just shut the door and tried to stay calm even though we heard all kinds of crashing and yelling outside,” she said. “It was pretty loud in the parking lot, too, but we couldn’t close the window or we would have fried.”

Student Body President Nic Heinke was surprised to hear of the events late Friday and early Saturday, but was not concerned that this incident would inspire any copycats.

“What you have here is just a situation that spun out of control. Extreme frustration led to anger and violence. This is one isolated incident and will dealt with in a way that will not encourage this behavior in any respect,” he said.

University officials echoed Heinke’s sentiments. After those responsible are dealt with in the criminal courts, they will most likely be dismissed from the University. Meanwhile, counselors have been brought in to help James residents deal with the wave of violence and help those still having adjustment difficulties.

Sunday, life seemed to return to normal. While many were still shaken by the recent events, others were amused.

“Damn, I’m surprised something like this hasn’t happened before,” laughed one first floor resident. “The conditions in this place are horrible. They just expect us to adjust?”

Repairs are expected to take six to eight weeks.